The Beggar (the conclusion)

I stood outside the doors of the church trying to listen to the service but to ashamed to go inside. How could I not have seen this coming. I have done it to others so many times before. Acquire a small company. Keep the key players until I milk every bit of knowledge from them and then put them on the streets.

It took less than a year and I have lost everything…My wife, my children, my home, and my mind. I started relaxing with Crown Royale and Knob Creek. Now I will suck the drivel out of a beer bottle somebody threw in the trash…Cigarette butts and all.

I scurried down the street in my torn and filthy clothes and unkempt hair to my ally before it got to dark. Sitting on some cardboard and digging through some garbage I have already gone through earlier a shadow was cast that startled me. It’s just another bum standing with the street light behind him. I couldn’t make out his face.

Something struck me as odd and then I realized what it was. He didn’t stink like the rest of them. In fact there was a pleasant aroma that I could not place that surrounded him. “What is it you want?” I asked territorially.

“What is it YOU want?” he responded.
“I want you to leave me alone. Go find somewhere else to sleep. This is mine”
“YOU have nothing. Everything you ever thought you had I provided. Everything you lost I took away.”

The world stopped turning. There was no sound. There was only myself and this man standing over me…and I could not see his face because he was silhouetted in the light behind him.

“Why have you done this to me? Haven’t I been good enough for you? I’m not a bad man! I don’t rape or kill or molest kids! What the hell do you want?

I want you to love me.
“Alright how? Tell me what to do!”
I want you to change your heart. I want you to take the blessings I have given you and pass them to my brother on the street. I want YOU to change yourself and until you do, this will be your life.

“Where do I start?”
He pointed up the street and pointed to a man and said, “start with him.”

I looked down the street and saw a man running…Head down, braced against the wind and the cold, trying to get in an office door. He was holding his briefcase in one hand and his hat on the head with his other. There was something familiar about him but I couldn’t place what it was. As he ducked into the alcove I ducked in there with him.
“Sir..I’m cold!”
He ignored me and went inside to the warmth of the building saying something to the guard in passing.

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The Begger (cont.)

I can not believe it!! The merger has gone through putting me into a position where I will be making more money than I could have ever imagined! All I have to do is keep my head down for the next seven years and I will be home free.

Walking down the street to the parking garage I’m thinking I have done it. I have been loyal and persistent and I am entitled to everything coming my way. There’s a crumpled figure propped up against the wall. Coughing and hacking. Oh God why can’t the city do something about these people?

I cross the street so that whatever virus that parasite to society is blowing will not contaminate me. Not only that, I won’t have to listen to his sad ” help me” pleas. Get a job you tubercular son of a bitch…

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The Begger ( cont. )

I love driving in the spring with my windows down on bright, crisp, mornings. The radio was playing old rock and roll and I had it cranked up to Steve Millers, Fly Like An Eagle.

I almost didn’t see the red light because of the morning sun streaming in through my dirty windshield. I was able to stop just in time. I could make out a silhouette holding a cardboard sign on the corner and he was slowly moving down the side of the road towards me. He wasn’t coming out into the street. He was just moving closer so that I could read the sign. ” please help. I’m hungry. “

Frigging beggar. I can’t even enjoy the morning air anymore without being solicited. I rolled up my windows. Cranked up the radio and turned right just to avoid this tramp. Steve Miller was rocking, “feed the hungry, that don’t have enough to eat…” . They just don’t make music like that anymore.

to be cont.

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The Begger (The first part of an ongoing tale )

Head down, braced against the wind and the cold, I tried to make my way up the sidewalk to my office door. Holding my briefcase in one hand and the hat on my head with the other I finally reached the alcove that gave me some harbor.

I shook off the snow and the cold and was turning to open the door when he stepped in with me. I was startled with his appearance. His hair was matted. His coat was threadbare and tattered and he smelled awful. I quickly opened the door and hurried in but not before I could hear him say ” Sir I’m cold.”

The door closed behind me and I was immediately feeling warm and secure from the wind and the vagabond that had harassed me. Passing the information desk I told the security guard about the man hanging around the door and went on about my day.

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The Further I Fall ( a blues tune. Trey put it to music)

When I saw your face
my heart stood still.
The fire in your eyes
was a look that’d kill.

I turned and tried to run
got on my knees and crawled
The closer you get
the further I fall.

You took me away
I was trapped in your lair
I avoided your eyes
saw the ravens in your hair

Tried to find the door
I was stuck to the wall
the closer you got
the further I’d fall

The morning comes
but the sun won’t shine
you set me free
but you captured my mind

I’m so confused
I can’t move at all
you hold me in your grip
I slip and
the further I fall

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One Way Out

So very tragic. By now everyone has heard the news of Robin Williams death. Many people do not understand how this could happen. How could someone take their own life? Some may want to believe it’s drugs or alcohol and that if they had been sober this would not have happened.

These are obviously well balanced people that appear to have control over their lives. However, there are times in some of our lives that we have no control. That something so horrifically traumatizing has occurred to us that we could not have stopped it even if we knew it was coming.

These can be events that some people can deal with very easily but to others it seems to crumble the very foundation our very world is standing upon. A divorce, tragic untimely death of a loved one. Or in my case the disappearance of a child.

When something like that happens the mind is the worst enemy you could have. It becomes a theater that plays and replays that horrible event. While you are awake. When you pass out…because you never sleep. Constantly…over and over. The only way to make it stop at that time is to shut it off. Death becomes peace. You can not see tomorrow…You just want it to stop today.

Fortunately for me God sent someone to stop me and that person never knew that he saved my life. I was to ashamed to tell my father.

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Something In Yellow

In a conversation the other day with a resident, she was telling me how much she enjoyed painting. She is, in my opinion, an accomplished artist. I told her how envious I was of people who could capture an image with their minds eye and transfer it to a canvas, leaving their depiction of something specific for all to enjoy long after they have left this Earth.

I told her I try to do the same thing except for the fact that I do not use a brush to transfer what I am feeling or seeing in my mind. Instead I use the written word. We attain our subjects in the same way. Either through something we have seen, experienced, or sometimes imagined.

From that point forward there are subtle, yet extreme, differences. My palette is a keyboard through which I try to project images and emotions on to a screen. Hopefully, if I do it well, it will elicit images and emotions from the reader.

Her palette is a complicated mixture of colors that each invoke their own emotion. Like an alchemist searching for the combination that will bring forth gold she can bring forth a physical response with the correct combination. When she has the desired hue to make one feel lonely…happy…sad or stormy she will transfer it to canvas.

While I was trying to explain to her how similar we are she simply said, ” O.K. Do me something in yellow.”

This may take a while.

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