It was planted in a place
Assigned for me to mow
It was small and vulnerable
Set in a lonely place to grow
I got to close and in a snap it was gone
I turned and looked back at the now barren lawn
I thought OH NO HOW COULD THIS BE
I’ll tell her the truth, IT RAN OUT IN FRONT OF ME!
Then I realized I must face my fear
So I road to the barn and got another beer
I told her I was sorry but Missy didn’t hear
She yelled and screamed and got her another beer
So now I’ve been chastised
and banned from the mower
and had to promise that
I would get another
From the Crepe Myrtle grower
It is so easy to lose ourselves within ourselves. It is so easy to confuse being abandoned with being alone. It is so easy to think we stand alone. And it is so easy to think ” I can fix this”. The truth is we have never been abandoned and we have never been alone.
We may be lonely sometimes but rest assured that we are not alone. There are always angels beside us. Sometimes they hold us and we feel the comfort in their embrace without a word being said. Sometimes they just listen without judgement or advice or opinion while we describe the feelings that have enveloped our very being in darkness and despair. We may not even recognize them for what they truly are. They are the angels in our lives.
They walk among us every day and we don’t see what they are. The beauty of this situation is they don’t see what they are either. They come to us without pretense or agendas. They come to us expecting nothing and give everything and they don’t even know they are bearing what could be in some cases a life saving or changing gift.
Many times the importance of the gift loses it’s value to us because it is not tangible and we may not realize it has been given. But if we take the time to stand back from our pain, whatever it may be, then we can see that we are surrounded by angels. They may be your brother or sister. They may be your father or mother. They could be a friend or an acquaintance. They may be someone you have only met through your blog. I believe they could possibly be your dog or cat or your horse that you talk out your problems with while they give you the unconditional love that only they can give.
Despite the form they take we should never lose sight of the fact that they are there because they love us and that they were sent because He knows our heart. That is where He lives and that is why we are never alone And sometimes…just sometimes…that angel is someone just like you.
The word alone brings so many faces to my mind. With this Mothers Day approaching I have been reflecting on the matriarchs that have been present and influential in my life.
There have been my grandmothers which I probably hold so dear because I never knew my grandfathers. On my mothers side was Nanny Marshall. She was known by other names but this is how I knew her. She was a wonderful woman that made you smile without saying a word. Just being in her presence was comforting. She was as country and southern as a red clay road or kudzu. She was a large woman and there was no warmth or security any where in the world like there was when you were enveloped in one of her hugs. She had a soft voice and was sweet as the iced tea that she served.
On Daddy’s side was Nanny. She couldn’t have been more of a contrast to Nanny Marshall if she had tried. Nanny was 4’7″ tall. She was half Lebanese and have Iroquois born in upstate New York. She was the youngest old woman I have ever seen. She dearly loved Elvis and loved to dance….I mean really dance! There was no waltz or rumba involved. This was mashed potato, booty shaking dance. She was loud, funny, and brutally honest. God knows she could make a corpse grin.
That brings me to my mom. She is not only the matriarch of our immediate family but the entire clan on that side. She is the last of that bloodline for that generation. She is revered not only among her children but among all her nieces and nephews and their children. She is a living monument for them to vicariously have contact to their own mothers who are now in the presence of the Lord.
The influences of these strong, independent, determined women are what makes my sisters the unbelievable women they are today. I have three sisters, Ain, Chi-Chi, and Missy, and I can see Nanny, Nanny Marshall, and my mom in each of them. They are all independent, professional, determined women with the qualities and values that are so rare in society today.
I am truly blessed to have been surrounded by people with the integrity, compassion and humor that all of these matriarchs possess and wish I had some other way besides this post to tell them how much I love and appreciate them.
Happy Mothers Day Ladies
I do not know what is wrong with me. I am stuck in some kind of funk I can’t seem to get of. There is no reason that I should be feeling like this. Life is good. I just spent the most amazing week with my son. I saw a part of this country that I have never seen before. And to top it off we are having two family reunions this month!
On May 25 we are celebrating the 90th birthday of my dear uncle on my mothers side of the family. He is one of the sweetest men I have ever known. He has always reminded me of Andy Griffith, or Andy Taylor. Not only in his appearance but in the way he speaks and carries himself.
On May 26 we are having our annual reunion on my fathers side. That is preceded by workdays on May the 18th. The reunion is held at my brothers house out in the country so the weekend prior to the reunion we meet and help bush hog, cut the grass, set up the volleyball court and horse shoes. That will culminate with lots of grilled hamburgers and cold beer. Kind of a warm up for the real reunion the following weekend.
But something is wrong and I just don’t know what it is. I feel like my “being” is not centered. Like I’m a little off kilter. That is why I haven’t been writing. I just can’t seem to get my mind working right.
Also little Anthony was released from the hospital in Boston this past week and is now back home. I really would like to see him. Thank all of you for your prayers for that little guy. He still has a long and hard road ahead of him.
Posted in family, life
I am truly blessed. I know that to be true in so many different ways. To be able to spend the time that I did with my son was a priceless event.
Amazingly all my fears about the trip were completely unnecessary, as many of you told me. The plane landed safely coming and going. Imagine that. Everything that I had on my “to do” list was done.
My sisters did a wonderful job with Mom and that is something that is invaluable for my piece of mind. We ate some of the finest food I have ever tasted and saw some of the most scenic landscape that God has put on this Earth.
Thursday night before I came back we went to this fabulous Middle Eastern market and bought the ingredients for stuffed grape leaves. We rolled about 150 of them and they were gone in no time.
Leaving was very difficult. I have not spent any time with my son in two years and three days didn’t seem hardly enough but we made it work. I would like to do this every year for our birthday week as a tradition. Next year I would like to go to the redwoods and stay for a bit.
Thank you to my family who without their help and support this trip would not have happened.
Next Monday I will be going to California to visit my son for a week. I can not begin to tell you how high my already high anxiety is going to be.
I guess the first point of anxiety is will my mother be taken care of while I’m gone. My sisters told me they have it handled but I do not for the life of me see how they are going to manage. They both have busy lives and careers and all they’ve told me is they have it covered. But honestly to be able to relax I would like to know how they propose to do it.
There is the fact that I will be able to spend some quality time with my son. He has been in California for two years and the only time I have been able to see him was for three days when he came into town for my fathers funeral. Needless to say that was not a good time.
Then there is the fact that I have never been to California. I am so excited to ride the Pacific Coast Highway. Also my sons birthday will happen while I am there! Mine is one week to the day later. So it will be a happy birthday for both of us. If I had to say what my best birthday gift ever it would be the gift that God gave me when my son was just seven days old.
Lastly, the next point of anxiety is the flight. Not the being in the air part but everything else. I’ll be flying out of Hartsfield International in Atlanta. The busiest airport in the entire world. That’s just great. Let me see….How difficult do you think it will be for a long hair male of Middle Eastern descent with an Arabic last name be to get on a plane after what happened in Boston?
I have not traveled much on commercial flights. I’ve been to Wyoming and back and Texas and back. I was going to go to a Notre Dame game with my brother and his brother in law. The game was to be played October 13….thirty two days after 9-11. Needless to say we decided that was not the proper time for three Middle Eastern men to try and board an aircraft together. To be honest if they had let us on the plane I myself would be worried. If they let us on the plane then who the hell else did they let on the plane?!
One more thing has my anxiety up. I have taken off in fifty-three aircraft. Planes and helicopters. I have only landed in four of them! That’s the part that bothers me about flying the most. It is mind boggling how all this tonnage is expected to descend gracefully out of the heavens. Really? No thank you. Just slow down to about a hundred and twenty knots. give me a parachute, and I will be the first one on the ground.