https://youtu.be/8q182kWAhiM I do not know why my past history has been so heavy on my heart the last couple of days. I think I really do know. One of my sisters sent me a photo of my parents graves this week. She had put some beautiful flowers on their grave. The picture unleashed a flood of memories. While most of the memories were good they brought with them an introspection of my life. I have hurt so many people in almost every way that you could you possibly imagine.
Though I know God has forgiven me I carry them with me. I guess this is my penance for the pain that I have left behind me. That’s fair enough.
One of those memories reminds me of my salvation. At the age of 47 I was baptized. I hear people say they accepted Christ into their lives at the age of 7 or 10 or even 12. I think that is great but I do not believe that at that age they can fully understand the power of that act. At the age of 47 I KNEW that He literally saved my life.
I had seen friends die with the needle in their arm. I had shook my head that another has been found dead dropped on the side if the road riddled with bullets. The cops didn’t care. It was just one more drug dealer for them to try to catch. I didn’t care because in my mind at the time it meant there were just more addicts that needed a new source to feed their addictions. Business was booming. I have done or had someone else do horrible things to people who owed me money. Everyone else would pay if you just hurt one or two a year.
I have never been able to apologize to all the people I have hurt on this dark road I traveled for so many years. Maybe that is why I can’t put those memories to rest. I know many of you may look upon me differently. But you don’t know what it’s like