I don’t write as often as I should. I just don’t. It seems I have fallen into the social media cycles of venting and expression and empathy and sympathy and even apathy because of saturation of opinions from all sides. But this is different.This is different because this is one of those special moments when I HAVE to write not because I need to make a social statement but because I just need to say ” I hear you.”

Standing on my porch this morning after daybreak I was smoking one of my two daily cigarettes. This is my favorite time of day. I caught some movement over my left shoulder and saw a small spike buck I’ve named Red, because of his color, grazing about twenty yards away. Apparently I was down wind because here I was smoking a cigarette and he walked right by me. What was also odd was he was not alone. I see him everyday but he has been alone since he left the herd which still comes through. He had a small female with him.

They were on an open field just about 50 yards away and there was a stand of about three pine trees between us. I was waiting for them to come into view. Instead a red tail hawk flew out heading for the sky. I know those deer had to have spooked that hawk but I laughed and thought ” Ok Tata’s shape shifting.”

I went on about my morning cleaning and was doing laundry when I was stopped in my tracks. I heard the most beautiful sound in the world and just lay over the top of the washing machine. I felt my father inside my chest. I felt the same explosion of emotion that I used to feel whenever I held him with his little white head pressed into my chest. I love him no less today than I ever did. I miss him more every day. If you are still reading this I’m impressed because I did not write this for you.The TV was on while I was cleaning and a movie was playing in the background. The movie was ” Alive ” and at the end of the movie was the sound that stopped me. Daddy’s favorite. So if you are still reading then you most definitely should listen to this song all the way through. It will probably be the most rewarding part of this experience. Or not. I didn’t write this for you anyway. I wrote this just to say, ‘I hear you Tata! Have a great day!”


This entry was posted in end of life care giving. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Ave

  1. 2busy4a925 says:

    Was thinking about you the other day. Knew I had not seen any writings from you lately. This might not have been written for us, the readers, but I did enjoy reading it. Glad you’re doing ok!

  2. Who I am says:

    Thank you for writing

  3. Patti says:

    Oh my gosh. I’ve been through three tissues reading and listening to this. I thank God every day we had parents as wonderful as we did. I had a very real “Tata” experience recently I’ll tell you about when I see you. I feel his spirit today as strong as I ever did. And I miss him more every day.

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